so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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