you would pick up someone in the library
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
