he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
