Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
