After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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