I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize