hotel room ftw
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
