What did we do last night that was yellow?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
