Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Randomize
