He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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