somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
