I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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