I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
you win again, gameday.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
