I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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