He uses pillows to masturbate.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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