my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she looked like the before picture.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
