That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
you never un-have a 4some
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
