So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
