Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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