he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
