Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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