Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize