they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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