It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
