Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
