Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
