when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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