We're facebook friends in real life
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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