Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
