I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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