Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
someone owes me an orgasm
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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