either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
