My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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