please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
