I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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