Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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