You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
