do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
