Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize