I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
