Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I need a beard to bite.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
