I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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