I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
