The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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