On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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