Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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