i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
