At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
