apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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