When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
