I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
