hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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