I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
