Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
