I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
