I intend to get homeless drunk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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