he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
