just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
