it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
