shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
