you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
