I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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