just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
