Nicole vs. Life
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
