I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
try to milk me bitch
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