Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Little spoons don't ask big questions
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
