If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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