Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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