the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
