I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
